Coping with the death of a loved one

Author Vijyalaxmi Kara  ©2013Vijyakara

Death of any loved one is one of the most difficult and strange experiences to deal with but especially the death of a child. For a parent to lose a child is an unnatural order.  We expect to go before our children so the pain of passing of the child is unbearable. The most powerful and full proof solution to death is the path of spirituality.  It is a fact that we are all one. There is the all pervading spirit that resides in all of us through which we are all connected.  So if we can truly connect with ourselves we will feel the connection with our loved one. This is a very deep subject and needs to be explained well to the bereaved but I can only say that it is a fact and it is possible to ease and ultimately be free from the pain of death.

Most people have so much attachment to the bodies that they believe they are the bodies and like wise they feel that their loved ones also are the bodies.   With understanding we realize that it was the breath or the pran that was real. The proof of this is that as soon as the pran leaves, the body has no value.  Everyone knows this and yet they can not comprehend the higher truth.  
 
Knowing this fact intellectually and yet falling apart when death occurs, is what is known as being entangled in “maya” or illusion .  
 
When death occurs suddenly the veil of maya opens up for the bereaved and they experience intense pain of separation.  If we can constantly live outside of this illusion and yet be in this world then we are able to face death with ease and see the whole life as a game  or “leela” and nothing more.Yes this is possible. 

I am aware that this is easily said than done but I only have the courage to write this because I practice this.  

We are all spiritual beings having a human experience.   Any tragic event will throw us if we are not aware of this.  I agree that spiritual explanations do seem abstract until you experience them.  That is why I would urge everyone to get as much understanding as they can about spirituality and be open to it.  I am not talking about sectarian religion here. Our essential nature is spiritual. Until we become aware of this, we continue to suffer human tragedies.   We don’t have to believe everything we hear or read but we must not discard it either.

Practical suggestions for family and friends:

Eating  regular meals and drinking  plenty of fluids is vital at this stage .  Low energy levels can cause depression.  I would encourage family and friends to cook for the bereaved.  Food lovingly cooked and served by others can work wonders.  This increases our interaction with the bereaved and transference of good energy helps to heal the emotions. 

Suggestion for the bereaved

If possible hold daily prayer meetings or meditation or some spiritual reading sessions at least for 10 days open to all who would like to pay their respects.  This provides a smooth transition period. We have this in some cultures and would suggest all cultures to adopt such a system.  
 
You will want to talk about your loved one all the time.  But at some point you will have to realize that you also have to get on with your life which is just as precious and also there may be others in your care who need your attention.   
  
Get back to normal routine as soon as you can.   You will still go through many episodes of tears but let them be.  Cry if you want to but don’t drown your self in self pity.  Few minutes of crying give emotions of grief a good release but too much crying can be draining and does not serve you well.  
 
When you are back on your feet do something in the memory of your loved one if you have the need to keep the memory alive.  For example supporting a charity or setting up something yourself.    

A word of caution for the bereaved is not to become too dependent on friends and relatives because ultimately we must learn to stand on our own feet. 
 
By Vijyalaxmi Kara